Thank you. I just spend at least an hour when my crap phone charging lead was buzzing on an off as it disconnected and reconnected in the nigh, and a further hour or so scrolling through phone lead choices, struggling to decide which was the 'best' to buy to, wait for it, reduce the cognitive friction from my crap cable. I needed this read today and have bought some cables that will I doubtedly just do the job, and saved myself spending money I don't have on super fancy ones that would likely have been annoying anyway.
This was so good, Steve! I was 100% a maximizer before…. And I definitely over-researched “best taco place in X city” before and then just ended up going with a place I knew and had been to before. Classic! For some reason this year I just started shifting into this “good enough” place and it’s been really freeing. I think getting off of Amazon (and spending less time on social media) has really helped with it, too. I don’t know about all of the choices out there, which feels really freeing.
I think the worst thing about 'maximising' tendancies is doing it with time. I've only recently started realising how much I do this. It's like the ultimate irony to be consciously trying to spend time relaxing when there is a voice in your head niggling away with 'but is this the most relaxing way to spend my time? What is there was something I could be doing that was even more relaxing?'
The 'good enough' approach and not changing my mind are the keys to this I think.
Frances, I struggle with this so much too! Thanks for sharing. If I’m having trying to relax, is it the MOST optimal way to relax? If I was more efficient with my free time, I should be able to have more fun experiences…
It’s a constant work in progress, but I remind myself that there’s no right or wrong way to spend my time.
Oliver Burkeman’s writing on this has been really helpful for me in this regard, but I still struggle to remove the burden of “should” and expectation for how my time is spent.
Example: yesterday was a really nice day. I wanted to go see a movie, but said “it’s too nice out to sit inside a movie theater, you SHOULD go outside and do something instead” (of course, I didn’t have a specific thing outside I wanted to do, so I ended up doing neither!).
I've been hearing this a lot lately and it makes me wince each time. Maybe less choice is great for many people. Definitely not for me though. Sure, going over each available option, comparing product prices and features is at times exhausting. But when I did finally buy that desk or that dress, I knew that I made the absolute best choice at the time. It gives me a rush of satisfaction each time I sit at the desk and admire how comfortable and aesthetically pleasing it is. Each time I put on that dress, I'm thrilled because it's just the perfect fit and colour. And oh the fun of actually looking through all the options online! I no longer think of myself as a perfectionist or being too picky but as someone who has high standards and knows how to maximize enjoyment out of any choice. I spent my early childhood in what was back then USSR and saw scarcity and what it does to people. Western luxury of choices is exactly that - a luxury to be savoured.
Thanks for sharing your experience Anna! I think your thoughts here are totally valid and true!
I think like most things, nothing is all or nothing, and there’s room to pick and choose when you maximize and when you satisfixe.
if we have the energy to do the research for the few things you DO want to maximize, then we can be okay with “good enough” in things that matter less to us. Does that make sense?
Thank you. I just spend at least an hour when my crap phone charging lead was buzzing on an off as it disconnected and reconnected in the nigh, and a further hour or so scrolling through phone lead choices, struggling to decide which was the 'best' to buy to, wait for it, reduce the cognitive friction from my crap cable. I needed this read today and have bought some cables that will I doubtedly just do the job, and saved myself spending money I don't have on super fancy ones that would likely have been annoying anyway.
This was so good, Steve! I was 100% a maximizer before…. And I definitely over-researched “best taco place in X city” before and then just ended up going with a place I knew and had been to before. Classic! For some reason this year I just started shifting into this “good enough” place and it’s been really freeing. I think getting off of Amazon (and spending less time on social media) has really helped with it, too. I don’t know about all of the choices out there, which feels really freeing.
I think the worst thing about 'maximising' tendancies is doing it with time. I've only recently started realising how much I do this. It's like the ultimate irony to be consciously trying to spend time relaxing when there is a voice in your head niggling away with 'but is this the most relaxing way to spend my time? What is there was something I could be doing that was even more relaxing?'
The 'good enough' approach and not changing my mind are the keys to this I think.
Frances, I struggle with this so much too! Thanks for sharing. If I’m having trying to relax, is it the MOST optimal way to relax? If I was more efficient with my free time, I should be able to have more fun experiences…
It’s a constant work in progress, but I remind myself that there’s no right or wrong way to spend my time.
Oliver Burkeman’s writing on this has been really helpful for me in this regard, but I still struggle to remove the burden of “should” and expectation for how my time is spent.
Example: yesterday was a really nice day. I wanted to go see a movie, but said “it’s too nice out to sit inside a movie theater, you SHOULD go outside and do something instead” (of course, I didn’t have a specific thing outside I wanted to do, so I ended up doing neither!).
I've been hearing this a lot lately and it makes me wince each time. Maybe less choice is great for many people. Definitely not for me though. Sure, going over each available option, comparing product prices and features is at times exhausting. But when I did finally buy that desk or that dress, I knew that I made the absolute best choice at the time. It gives me a rush of satisfaction each time I sit at the desk and admire how comfortable and aesthetically pleasing it is. Each time I put on that dress, I'm thrilled because it's just the perfect fit and colour. And oh the fun of actually looking through all the options online! I no longer think of myself as a perfectionist or being too picky but as someone who has high standards and knows how to maximize enjoyment out of any choice. I spent my early childhood in what was back then USSR and saw scarcity and what it does to people. Western luxury of choices is exactly that - a luxury to be savoured.
Thanks for sharing your experience Anna! I think your thoughts here are totally valid and true!
I think like most things, nothing is all or nothing, and there’s room to pick and choose when you maximize and when you satisfixe.
if we have the energy to do the research for the few things you DO want to maximize, then we can be okay with “good enough” in things that matter less to us. Does that make sense?
Excellent essay! Frequently falling into a FOBO (Fear of Better Options) mindset, this is something I've been working on!
Same! “Good enough” is something I really struggle with. Good on us for being aware of it!